Combining innovative technologies, ambitious business models, and social relevance, greentech startups have rightfully taken up the mantle dropped by internet and biotech companies as new economy leaders. Companies like A123 Systems, Plextronics, and Serious Materials have earned their places on some of the most prominent top ten lists by bringing cutting edge products to market. However, we feel these companies have received an outsized share of the publicity. So, today we have come to celebrate the losers. In a parallel universe, where the laws of physics, finance and coolness fail to apply, the following five startups would surely find themselves beating back the tides of greentech-hungry VCs. Armed with a big advertising budget and flashy websites, what these companies lack in technological know-how and business acumen they make up for with gushing profiles on Treehugger. Best of the worst after the jump. Number 5: SkySails A few hundred years after Robert Fulton helped us make the jump to steam power, SkySails brings us right back into the fold. SkySails is apparently trying to move in on the dynamic tugboat market with their wind-powered cargo ship puller. It's a good thing their only customer is also their main investor. Like the Hair Club for Men. But for ships.

Number 4: Greenbox Systems Greenbox Systems, a manufacturer of recycled "thermal management systems" for medical supplies, sent us some unsolicited promo schwag once. To demonstrate their product's efficacy in transporting blood and vaccines, they nicely included some frozen Dove Bars. The Dove Bars arrived, in the middle of a Boston winter, on a freezing cold day, crushed and melted. I'd hate to see what these guys can do with your grandmother's heart transplant.

Number 3: MDI Minicat I once built a compressed air car as part of a middle school science project. The car, which I modeled after a Ford Windstar minivan, flew at about 4 feet per second over the 10 meter track. 13 years later MDI MiniCat got $29 million from Tata Motors for their compressed air car, which clocks a similar speed and distance. It's also made out of balsa wood and PVC. In fact, I think they stole my design.

Number 2: GreenRoad Technologies Is this even greentech? We see a lot of companies repurpose their products to take advantage of suckers willing to buy anything wrapped in recycled paper. Richard Branson is one of those suckers. His Virgin Green Fund just dropped $14.5 million on GreenRoad, a company that makes in-car lights aimed at enhancing driver safety. I think Ford makes one of those too. It's called a turn signal.
And the winner is.... Number 1: Tesla Motors Just kidding. We love Tesla Motors. Probably not as much as the guy stuck in the passenger seat. I'm sure he really, really loves Tesla Motors.

Number 1: Magenn Power The last blimp to look this hot was the Hindenburg, and it was on fire, and it killed 36 people. Magenn's wind blimp may only kill careers, not people, but it has certainly killed in our faith in anything produced by Canadians. Soaring majestically over your log cabin, the Magenn wind blimp will work wonders for your power bill until it gets taken out by the nearest flock of geese. Or a helicopter. Or a runaway SkySail.